it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize