He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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