What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
