I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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