There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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