..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
