sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
