I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
