He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
