Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think people are normalizing furries
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
