clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
