Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize