Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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