The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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