remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
