Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
