butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
