Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
