yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
