when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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