I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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