Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
