I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
