My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
