I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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