did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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