Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
3 2 1 whiskey
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
