My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
