2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
