I want to have your abortion
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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