so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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