after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
