Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
a search helicopter?!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
