you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
