once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
