Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
