If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
