i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.