i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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