Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.

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(512): View more from Texas

were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."

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(503): View more from Oregon

I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(973): View more from New Jersey

I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.

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(518): View more from New York

I'm not coming to work today because tequila

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(206): View more from Washington

And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!

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