At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?