last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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