I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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