He disabled his match.com account in front of me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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