Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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