People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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