You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
