ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
