he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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