so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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