If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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