And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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