if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
