You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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