he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dick very happy bro
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
