If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
