I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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