Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
