Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
