Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
