The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize