I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
