i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
