Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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