Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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