I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
