party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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