I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
