Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
