Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
