my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Terrible idea I love it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
