some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
