Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.