Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.