Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.