I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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