Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.