3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world