i jhust puked up my retainher.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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