So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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