She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They are going to name an STD after you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
