Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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