Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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