tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
