She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
