She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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