I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
