I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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