yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
