mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
