My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
