Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
