You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
