im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
