Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
