I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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